The key to a great marriage

(The following is an excerpt from the message preached on February 23, 2020)

Text: Ephesians 5:21-33

As you know, I went back to Australia a couple of weeks ago. The reason for the trip is that my father got married. My mother passed away a few years ago, and my dad has been really lonely and a little lost ever since then. But he married a wonderful lady, and they both seem so happy. It was a big wedding, with over 150 people. There weren’t enough seats in the church, so people had to stand at the back.

Weddings are a big event in our lives. I’ve probably performed over 400 weddings in Japan. I’ve done weddings at expensive hotels in Kyoto and Nagoya. I’ve done weddings at special wedding chapels, with stained glass windows and pipe organs and stuff like that.

Everyone always looks so happy at weddings. And it’s a fact that I have never seen an ugly bride. Never. For some strange reason, no matter how plain a woman might look on a normal day, she just glows and radiates beauty on her wedding day.

When two people get married, they are just filled with hope and expectations. They all believe that they will have the best, most wonderful marriage ever. They believe they’re going to be perfectly happy with their partner for the rest of their lives.

But then, reality sets in. You’ve heard the expression, “The honeymoon is over.” For almost all the couples that I know, the honeymoon eventually ends. You realize that the person you thought you were marrying is not actually the person you ended up marrying. You thought you were marrying the most kind and loving person in the world. But the person you ended up married to is selfish, and doesn’t understand you, and has these terrible habits that drive you crazy, and is basically very difficult to live with. And your partner is thinking exactly the same thing about you.

The reason for this is that we are all sinners. We all have these selfish, sinful hearts that aren’t very good at loving others but are very good at loving ourselves. This is what marriage does: it takes two sinful, selfish people, and sticks them together and says, “From now on you have to live together, in the same house, for rest of your lives.”

It’s a recipe for disaster.

Except for when you read the bible, it’s not. Marriage, as the bible explains it, is the most wonderful, joyful, fulfilling human relationship a person can ever have.

Proverbs 18:22 says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favour from the Lord."

But the bible goes even further than that. We come to church every week, and we sing about how much Christ loves us, and how much joy and peace we have from knowing Christ.

And we sing and pray about how much we love Jesus. And then the bible says, that is what the relationship between a husband and wife is like. Right here in Ephesians chapter 5:

"‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church."

Marriage should be the most wonderful and fulfilling of all human relationships. But how do you achieve that? What is the key to a great marriage?

It’s in Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

This is the key to a great marriage.

In fact, this is not only the key to a great marriage, but this is the key for living the Christian life. It doesn’t matter whether you’re married or not. If a married person or a single person came up to you and asked, “OK, tell me. I’ve decided to become a Christian. I want to live a Christian life. How can I do that? How am I supposed to live every day? Tell me in one sentence.”

Here is an answer that you could give them: Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

“Submit to one another”. Basically, that means loving and serving other people. It means putting the needs of other people above your own needs.

This must be a Christian idea because it’s the complete opposite of what the world does. People in the world are always focused on what other people owe them.

“I worked hard all year, and now I have the right to take a few days holiday.”

“I have a right to live in a quiet home. My next door neighbor is playing really loud music. He owes me. He has to stop that.”

“I bring home money for my wife, and so she has to cook me dinner. She owes me.”

“I clean the house and look after the kids, so my husband owes me. He has to take me on vacation somewhere nice.”

But Christians don’t think that way. We don’t keep asking, “What do other people owe me?” Instead we ask, “What do I owe other people?”. I’m so blessed. God has really looked after me and given me everything I need. What should I be doing for other people?

If you’re a husband, and you had the same attitude of Christ, what would you do? After working hard all day, and your boss was giving you a hard time, then you had to battle a crowded train to get home, and you eventually walk in the door and you’re feeling tired and drained, what would your first priority be?

How I can serve my wife. What does my wife need right now?

Or what if you’re a wife, and you had the same attitude of Jesus. Perhaps you were working at an office too that day, or maybe you were working at home, cleaning and taking care of the kids. You had to deal with paying bills and problems with the bank or maybe a sick child all day. And then eventually your husband comes home. And you’ve been looking after other people’s needs all day. What would your first priority be?

How I can serve my husband. What does he need right now, and how can I give it to him?

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That’s the key to a great marriage.