The secret of joy

(This is a summary of the message preached on March 29, 2020, by Michael Larsen.)

Today we're looking at the secret of JOY, the second in the series on the 9 secrets to building great relationships based on the nine fruit of the Spirit.  

3 RELATIONAL KILL-JOYS

There are three things that cause problems in relationships and kill our joy.

1.  SELFISHNESS

Selfishness is saying, I want what I want and you want what you want and we don't get along together. James 4:1-2 "Where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from? They come from your desires... which are constantly fighting with your bodies... you strongly desire things but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight." If you want to restore the joy in your relationship, get the focus off yourself and get it back on other people in the relationship.

2.  RESENTMENT

Resentment says, "I won't forgive you."  

Hebrews 12:15 "Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives."

Proverbs 11:29 "The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left." It’s saying that if you refuse to forgive, you're only hurting yourself. Resentment always hurts you more than it does anybody else.  

3.  FEAR

Fear says "I don't trust you anymore." And when there is no emotional intimacy, there is no joy.  

I John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

Fear does three things to relationships:

1.  Fear makes me defensive. I won't admit it when I'm wrong.

2.  Fear makes me distant.  I won't allow you to get close to me and I won't really tell you my true feelings.

3.  Fear makes me demanding.  When I'm afraid I must always be in control.

THE SECRET OF JOY IN RELATIONSHIPS

What do you focus on to have joy in your relationships?

1.  FOCUS ON GIVING RATHER THAN RECEIVING.

Acts 20:35 "There is more happiness in giving than in receiving."

There are three kinds of love. The first two don't work.

1.  I'll love you if. I love you if... you make me happy, take care of my needs, and do what I want you to do. Conditional love and it doesn't last.

2.  I love you because.  I love you because... you're good looking, you're talented, and you do things for me. But if I find somebody who's smarter, who's prettier, or the relationship dies.

3.  I love you unconditionally. This is the love that focuses on giving rather than receiving. It's “I love you in spite of your faults.” I have made a choice. That produces joy. Focus on giving rather than receiving.

2 Peter 1:7 "Learn to put aside your own desires so that you will become patient and godly. This will make possible the next step, which is for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you will grow to love them deeply."  

Joy doesn't come from making me happy, joy comes from making other people happy. God designed it that way.  

2.  FOCUS ON HEALING RATHER THAN HURTING.

Colossians 3:13 "Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."  

Romans 5:3-4 "We can be full of joy here and now, even in our trials and troubles.  These very things will give us patient endurance; this in turn will develop a mature character..."  

3. FOCUS ON GOD'S POWER RATHER THAN MY PROBLEMS.

Psalms 62:8 "Trust in God at all times; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."

Psalm 56:3 "Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you."  

Philippians 4:4 "Always be joyful in the Lord, again I say, rejoice."

How is it possible to rejoice in the midst of difficult circumstances?

1.  I can be joyful in spite of my circumstances, because God is with me.  

Isaiah 43:2 says, "When you pass through deep waters I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through the fire, you will not be burned, the hard trials that come will not hurt you. For I am the Lord your God!"

No matter what you're going through, you're not going through it alone. God is with you right now. 

2.  I can be joyful because God has a plan for me.

He's not only with me, He has a plan for me. God knows how all things can work together for good. They're not all good, but they can work together for good if you trust God.

3.  I can rejoice because God will help me.

God will not let us be tested beyond what we can endure. He will help us. Psalm 43:5 "Why be so gloomy and discouraged? Trust in God! Then I shall praise Him for His wonderful help. He will make me smile again."  

The Bible says "the fruit of the Spirit is joy". That means joy is not something you can make on your own. But it is natural when you let Jesus Christ live in and through you. When you say "God, put your Spirit of Christ in my life".  Then His joy you can experience no matter what the situation is. Open your life up to Christ and say, "Jesus Christ come in and put Your love and joy in me and He will give you the power to do these things."